forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
