omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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