it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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