I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
