Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
