remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
