wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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