Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
