How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
