Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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