I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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