How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
