I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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