I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
