she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
