I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dignity is for republicans.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
