I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
