I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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