Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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