she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
