just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
