How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her