Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?