ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
3pm strippers are depressing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.