those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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