I'm gonna have a badass scar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
