walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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