We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
