I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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