i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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