I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
