I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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