so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
