you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
