he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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