Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
