Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
