wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
