ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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