Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
