Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
