I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
