is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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