worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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