i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
