Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize