You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
