I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
