ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting