I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.