He had one of those small greek statue penises
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.