My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card