The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
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You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.