FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The struggles of a small town man whore
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
