I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
