didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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