My sheets look like a crime scene.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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