oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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