Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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