I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
