There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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