well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
