found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
