I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
