I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
