I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
