That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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