thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
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My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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