So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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