In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
