Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
