Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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