Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
