I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
