he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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