Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize