Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
