The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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