Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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