I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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