Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
