In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
