I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You were trust falling into bushes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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