eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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