a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
